Part One - Chapter Three

3. Chapter Three

"Day turned black, sky ripped apart Rained for a year 'til it dampened my heart Cracks and leaks The floorboards caught rot About to go down I had almost forgot."

- George Harrison
"Crackerbox Palace" from "Best of Dark Horse"

While all was well with learning, I lost much of what there was in companionship. I was a loner most of my life, really still, I am. I had learned to drop the silent suggestions to people. Though it never occurred to me to use it on my parents or to suggest to a teacher that I deserved a grade better than what I earned.
I look back on that now and wonder why I did not. Save for morality I would guess. The only action I took around me was to improve the weather, to protect the budding earth that would be harmed by the frost.

Never once did I use the powers for personal gain. I don't really know why. Maybe that is the mark of conscience, or maybe the real test of the right to use the powers. Maybe it is the lessons of the lifetimes I have lived, the threat of kharma to be earned, or the love for which I hold within.

It has never been a question of want, it has just never been an option to consider. Maybe that is why I am without riches. I don't know. I would guess in the end it doesn't really matter.

Life has it's own mystery. I only know in this, that I did not have to come back. There was Kharma in my return. Tasks I had to play out. That was part of the balance that must be maintained. But I did not have to come back to learn anything more.

Why am I a loner? Well it is not because I don't enjoy the companionship of others, it is rather that I don't share the same goals and thoughts.

I was once asked what my career goals were. I stopped and laughed. I was given a funny look and answered, "I have none." I was given an incredulous look and an open mouth. "You see", I continued, "I have personal goals, but no career goals. I want my cabin in the mountains where I can write and read, raise horses and love life."

I live and work in the world of technology, but would give it all up in a second. Ambition to power is not in me. Nor will it ever be. Don't get me wrong, I am not lazy or without achievements. I have a college degree and earn an income far above average. It is part of being a watcher, unseen and accepted. I am compulsive in some things, lazy in others but was taught to do my best and in work, I don't leave things half done, or undone.

Ambition is a path to peace for me. My goals are not the same as for power and money. Money I seek as a means to that cabin. Peace is in the heart. It lives beside love.

Without love, one will never know peace. In this mortal life one cannot have love without pain. That is hard to explain. But if you really and truly obtain pure love and companionship, you will one day have to leave it. For to find it in mortal form, you cannot return to it in mortal form. It is there for you in shambala when you return.

The more I awaken, the more I remember, and the more pain I feel. Sadness overwhelms me......

It took me 40 years to get to the mountains, I am leaving them now after only 4. The old man in the mountain says it is right, I have to go. What's more, it isn't safe any more. But he promises I will return, not to him, but to the mountains. This is almost as hard as coming back here in the first place.

I love the mountains. There is peace for me there. There is energy there. The dragons live there. It is like leaving shambala again.

Why is it important to know this? It is in each of your hearts. The love and peace. This work and power is not for the faint of heart.

Many of you are watchers, you identify with the watcher. Many take the name of Merlin. See themselves in his art. There are so many legends of him. So many stories. The one I like best is that told by Mary Stewart. Start with the Crystal Cave, then read the next two.

This is an unasumming version of Merlin the Watcher. One driven by destiny such as I. Not a warlock of power and magic, but a Merlin at one with the earth and the path.

There are many of us here, and we are all linked together. Do you know why we are here? Do you know our terrible purpose?

I know, for I have held the sword in my vision. I have seen the storm.

The powers of the watcher are not those of the manipulator. Many have asked about the spell to make her love you, or the power to move the mountain, to gain the world to control others.

If these things are important to you, you are not a watcher. And more so, this work is not for you. Remember the key, it is peace and love.

Since I am here now, I don't want to go back.....

We cannot heal this place.... Only the sword can do that.... I know this,.... I know the terrible purpose.....

.............if there were another way.